The Dummies’ Guide to Provoking Muslims

Is your life dull and insipid? Do you yearn to see some action and fireworks in it? One thing you can do to amuse yourself is provoking Muslims to riot, scream, shout, yowl, howl and behave as if you stuck them in the butt with a red-hot poker. This is one of the finest forms of entertainment as it requires minimal time and effort and is almost always guaranteed to succeed.

Let me explain the inspiration for this article. If you read the BM section of Malaysiakini, you will find a short little article about Zahid Hamidi’s comments on Raja Petra being reported to the police for “insulting Islam”. Zahid the Coward said that this is proof that Muslims will not be silent when blogs and websites belittle and insult their religion and expressed hope that stern action against Raja Petra would deter bloggers (like yours truly :-p) from mocking Islam/Muslims. You can read it here in Malaysiakini.

Anyhoo… I find it highly amusing since in my kafir opinion, Raja Petra didn’t ever insult Islam. Rather, he was walloping the so-called pious Muslims for being hypocritical. The Bolehland government found it convenient enough to quote his articles entirely out of context just to justify their allegations. But don’t take my word for it. Go read the articles: “I promise to be a good, non-hypocritical Muslim” and “Not all Arabs are descendants of the Prophet“.

All this because of a little teddy bear...

I wonder how the Muslims in Malaysia will respond. Will they go read the articles and decide for themselves if they are insulting Islam or not? Or will they swallow the bait and declare RPK an infidel and threaten to kill him or behead him just because someone told them that he had insulted Islam? Will they take to the streets and riot? Will they call for RPK’s head on a platter?

Which brings me to my point: To provoke Muslims, one can just tell them that someone had insulted their religion or prophet. That is a very effective tool in getting them all hot under the collar and in most, cases, would be enough to trigger a riot, or maybe a few riots. You don’t really have to actually insult Islam. Just make them believe you or someone else did. Remember Mohammad the Teddy Bear? The Sudanese Muslims were screaming like possessed monkeys for a British teacher to be executed or at least whipped for naming the teddy bear Mohammad, at the suggestion of her MUSLIM school children. The whole bunch of them just went bonkers. The clerics (so much for being learned men of religion) were howling for violence against the poor old teacher and the mob did what they did best – riot, just like unthinking beasts.

They almost always believe it when you tell them that someone poked fun at their religion or their prophet. Remember the Danish cartoon incident? How many of the rioting twits actually saw the cartoons? How many of them actually took the trouble to check out what the cartoons were about before wailing like a baboon that got stung by fire ants? Hardly any. They just rioted and screamed because their clerics (who didn’t see cartoons but were told by other clerics) told them to get angry coz Prophet Mo’ was “offended”. Try recalling Salman Rushdie’s book, The Satanic Verses. Remember the hoohah it created? I wonder if the Ayatollahs of Iran actually read the book before issuing a fatwa against him.

Oh well, if that fails (very rarely does it fail) then you could always do something seemingly mild… like drawing doodles of Prophet Mo’ or drawing something and calling it Mo’. That will guarantee a response. But beware: you’ll have a fatwa (more like a few hundred) on your ass. And that, is but a taste of my new book: The Dummies Guide to Provoking Muslims. I fear though, that it may be rather short, much like the temper and reason of most Muslims. Peace be upon me.

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Oh yeah, and just before I finish… Here’s a parting thought…

Addendum: This of course, does not refer to all Muslims, just the mob

~ by gehirnlappen on September 7, 2008.